How Toxic Positivity Became a Filipino Trait and Why It Sets Us Up For Failure

While we’d like to think “Good Vibes Only” is a great way to go through life- like most things, it’s not exactly a full proof strategy for your mental health. Do you ever notice that sometimes you or people you know can go through the most difficult and toughest journeys in life with never truly processing it and almost laughing or smiling it off? This type of chronic disassociation is defined as toxic positivity and could very well be a conditioned response due to our cultural upbringing. Some experts say this recurring dismissal of negative or sad feelings can be deeply problematic.

For those who might not be familiar with this term, Toxic Positivity is defined as “maintaining positive thoughts or emotions to the point of ignoring negative emotions altogether, or just thinking positive but not initiating ways to address an issue.”  Sound familiar?

Filipinos are known for their good hospitality and accommodating personalities- but if you are one (a Filipino that is), you know “accomodation” and “resilience” is a common trait, even detrimentally so. When we picture a Filipino we are described to be the most resilient and optimistic people in the world which paints this vivid image that Filipinos can undergo any struggle that is put in front of them. It can be traced back to colonialiism like most things. Being a colonialized people through the generations has woven this “maladaptive coping mechanism” into our DNA. Afterall, our ancestors figured “it is what it is” and that we “might as well make the most of it.”

In essence it's great, because who doesn’t love a happy people? But overtime it creates a culture in which self-advocacy is considered “rebellion”, and worse, it creates this false stereotype that we, as a people have a high threshold for toxicity and therefore can handle more with little consequence.

The good news, is that with new awareness for mental health in our generation, we have the ability to break the cycle. Growing up, I’m certainly guilty promoting this toxic positivity mindset. Culturally, in the face of any traumatic events, we are conditioned to smile and shrug it off because we have this cultural value that allows us to be picked up by others and carry us in times of trouble. The value I am referring to is the spirit of Bayanihan, which is derived from the Filipino word, ‘bayan’ meaning town, community that literally means being a community together.

While there is this positive aspect to it, there is this dark part of it as well that not most people realize. While its true, we’re not the only “people” that do this, its very prevalent in our families because of our culture. In the Phiilippines, although ranking high in the global positivity index, cases of depression and anxiety tops the chart. And in the US, young Filipinas have the highest growing population of suicide.

There’s a scene from Disney’s animated Pixar movie, Inside Out, there is part of the film where one of the characters, Joy, tries to prevent Sadness from touching any of Riley’s core memories despite letting it just happen on its own. 

However, suppressing our true emotions can impose a greater danger towards our mental health which leads to anxiety and depression and can manifest to physical ailments.

So, how should we deal with toxic positivity? There’s no easy fix but these steps are a start:

1.  Accept your negative emotions and understand that they are part of being human. Sometimes this means explaining it to our parents, who often expect us to “snap out of things”. Sometimes it means that you will have to sit with sadness for a bit without having to “fix” it right away.

2.   Label your negative emotions honestly and talking about them either with a trusted friend, colleague or professional. If this means you have to refrain from social gatherings for a minute, seek a sabbatical, take a solo vacation or just have some brief alone time. Sometimes sitting with grief, negativity or sadness until it passes does more good than pretending it does not bother you.

3.   If someone comes to you with negative feelings or emotions, it is important to validate the other person’s experience instead of forcing someone to stay positive. It is equally important to remember that not everyone tell you their problems because they want your advice or a solution, sometimes they just want someone to listen and tell them they are not alone.

Overall, as a Fiilipino community we need to rise to the occasion and learn to acknowledge the help that we need. But we have to remember that it’s okay to not be okay. There should not be this forced expectation that we have to be happy all the time or that we are not allowed to feel the rest of our emotions. For someone like me who went her life trying to have that optimistic outlook of life trying to avoid being vulnerable it cost me my own mental health to keep it bottled in.

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Written By Chachie Abara

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